Seven Lessons from Sex about Copywriting!

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I just so desperately wanted her to find me interesting!

As she smiled up at me I told her witty things.  And great stories about my accomplishments, with just the right amount of modesty.  But they weren’t enough.  I could see her smile was polite and fading round the edges, and her eyes started to wander.

Damn it no!  Find me interesting!  Look at meee!!

I ploughed on, bringing out my very best jokes, and mentioning with just the right amount of subtlety all the good I do in the world.  All the places I’ve traveled to and people I’ve met.  And how popular and cool I was, etc etc etc.

Even as my tales grew in awesomeness, the sparkle disappeared from her gorgeous green eyes.

And my heart sank.

Finally, she checked her phone and cut me off mid-story with some excuse about being late for a Tango class.

And then… I noticed something about her.  She did not strike me as a tango dancer.  I blurted it out.

She turned back, mildly intrigued and said, ‘why?’

Well, she had this bookish, studenty feel to her. But with a Swedish look.  Interesting combination, but not the hot-blooded Latin type at all.

She told me she had fallen in love with Tango because it’s so different to her culture. And she wasn’t Swedish, she was Norwegian.

I said I imagined her troll-hunting (from a true classic Norwegian movie, haha).  She laughed.  She was paying attention again.

forced myself to stop thinking about myself, and just really, truly paid attention to her.  I made observations.  She began to talk, more and more animatedly.

I teased her.  I challenged her on a few things she said.  And I listened very, very carefully.  And admitted what I had no idea about – I was honest, I showed vulnerability.  I was in the moment with her.

Her eyes started to sparkle once more, and then she said;

“You know, you’re quite…”

Interesting how counter-intuitive attraction is, isn’t it? 

In romance and in copywriting.

The best way to sum it up is with a classic quote by Paul Arden;

“if you want to be interesting, be interested.”

And that really says it all.

You can talk about yourself all you like, but the best story in the world does not compare in the slightest to your prospect talking or thinking about themselves for five minutes.

People love anyone who genuinely pays attention to them – and I mean really pays attention.  Observing, challenging, reading behind the words, looking for the patterns, wanting to know why.  Not just asking a series of bland questions because you can’t be bothered to think.

7 Similarities between Sex and Copywriting

Here are seven ways I think attracting someone romantically compares to attracting someone in business through the words you use – your copywriting;

1. 90% Them / 10% You

If your conversation is mostly about you, you’ve lost them.  Make it about them.

2. Listen

Listen!  Be present.

When they’re talking don’t spend that time thinking about what you’re going to say next – listen, pause, and respond.  In copywriting, constantly talk to your clients and prospects, listen to what they say, listen to what is behind their words. Observe their actions.  And answer it in your copywriting.

3. Tease

Be playful, push them a little.  Say slightly shocking things.  Lovingly tease them like they’re your sister or brother.  When your copywriting is like this – with a little push – it shows how relaxed and real you are and it develops a strange and enchanting pull.

4. Show Vulnerability

Be real. Be human.  Allow them to see you, warts and all.  It’s the key to trust, and to liking too.  And it’s very attractive.

5. Challenge – offer your real opinions

Don’t simper and agree to everything.  Have values and hold to them.  If you truly disagree, say it!  In a nice and charming way.  A person or company with strong values is attractive.

And when you challenge a reader, or you challenge commonly held beliefs about your market or product, they are intrigued… and want to read more.  They want to find out why.  It’s powerful.

6. Be Passionate and Positive

Love life!  Love what you do.  And it will shine out of your company and brand in all you touch.

And everyone is attracted to positivity – so be a beacon that shines out with glowing positivity and good humour.  A source of answers, solutions and a brighter future.

7. Be confident – and lead

In romance we all love confidence, and especially the confidence and skill to lead.  To walk up and talk to them in the first place.  To ask them out, to take them on a great adventure.

All these points are scary places, because you face the chance of rejection. But you gotta do it, and in copywriting it’s the same.

The call to action is the scariest part in writing copy. The point where you say ‘What is your credit card number?’ or ‘Click here and buy’ and many people fall short here.

But you genuinely care about your prospect, and you know what a great time they will have when they sign up for your service.  So don’t be afraid – be confident and LEAD.  Tell them to get your solution and solve their problem, and they’ll thank you for it later.

You know it’s in both of your best interests to take action, so lead them to do it!  And don’t be shy about it.  In copywriting, or in romance…
“You’re quite…interesting,” she said with a smile.

“Well… let’s grab a coffee,” I said, heart in my throat.

“Sure, why not,” she said.

And the rest of that story is for another blog post.

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About the author

Konrad Sanders CEO & Lead Strategist at The Creative Copywriter
Hey you. I’m Konrad. A full-funnel content strategist and CEO with a pretty darn creative noggin on my shoulders. I run a team of word-slinging cowboys and strategists who blend science with art to help bold brands get their words right at every step of the customer journey. Which means? They sell more stuff and grow predictable revenue. Brands like AECOM, Thomson Reuters, TikTok, Panasonic, Adidas, Mercedes-Benz, plus shedloads of tech scale-ups...and you? Let's connect.

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Well, that’s quite of a comparison and the quote says it all – if you want to be interesting, be interested. The wonderful thing about website copy (be it blog posts, sales pages etc.) is that they can help us connect with our readers. Even though they are words on the screen, they act as a great medium.
And by being a “me-centered” blogger we are wasting that medium out and we are creating a counter effect. Rather than using the words to excite the readers and make them feel interested in what we are saying, we are making them run away.
Being realistic and showing vulnerability is another thing. The more open and honest we are, the easier it will be to make the bond. I usually agree any mistakes I made, I openly discuss my failures and so on. Did I try out a strategy and failed miserably? I warn my readers about it by sharing by story with them!
Thanks for the wonderful analogy Marek!

Hi Jane
Thanks for your comment! And apologies for the late reply… Marek and I were both in the South of France last week on a little sun-soaked holiday with the family (we’re brothers).
And yes, you’re right! Me-centred copy and blog content is one of the big mistakes that many businesses make. Unless you’re telling a compelling personal story from which your reader can learn or understand something, then your copy and content should always be about ‘YOU’ not ‘ME’. And admitting a weakness is a very powerful way to build trust with a potential customer, as long as your strengths completely overshadow that weakness.
Have an awesome week!

Love it, love it, love it; I like the fun and comparison. I started writing new headlines for a job after reading it; thanks

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